I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize