I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
