Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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