I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
