I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
