Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
