1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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