Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
