so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
