Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
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Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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