The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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