i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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