Say something about gay babies.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
