i permit you to call me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
