oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
