so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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