my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
