ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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