your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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