There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
