the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
