I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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