you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
