Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
