if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
