i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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