is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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