whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
