I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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