My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
