OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
