Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Houston, we have a blender
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
