Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
