dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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