Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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