I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
