he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
