A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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