I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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