I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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