Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
