I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
