I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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