I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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