So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
