It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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