my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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