Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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