im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
