zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
