His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
