I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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