The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize