Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
