Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
