woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
