I have demons in me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
