the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
