I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
