you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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