we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
