Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
