i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
