I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?