I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.