dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off