My room smells like vodka and shame
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life