im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
