Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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