Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
