Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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