bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
