when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
