Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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