and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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