listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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