When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to fling myself into the sun
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
