thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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