Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
