A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
