YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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