I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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