I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
