evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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