she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
